Since the last one was short and sweet, then………

Ha Ha Ha……

The last one was short and sweet…this one may still end up short…depends on the words I find.

I am happy. I have had this enormous weight lifted off my shoulders. Now I don't know what to think. After all of this time spent in the shadows, I can finally say that they are going away. I can't explain it. I wished I could, but I don't want to fumble my words.

How about short and sweet

I will have a longer version of this tomorrow some time…but I have to tell you all something important……..very important…

The Mood Has Changed…….for the better…I can't believe that I am saying this, but I think I am slowly, finally getting happy again…for the first time in so many years…..

OH HELL YEAH

Until tomorrow…

And I promise that I will expand on this tomorrow…

L’umore sta circa per cambiare

I know what you are all think….what in the blue hell does that mean?

"L'umore sta circa per cambiare" is Italian for "The Mood is About to Change"…….I've used it before…hell, it was even the subtitle of this very site for a while….

Now exactly what is it…I'll tell you…

Caption Time #2

What should I do?

If you read my last one, you know what I am talking about.  I really don't know what I should do. I have effectively hit a BIG THICK CLEAR CEMENT WALL…..and it hurts like all hell……

Maybe some humor will get me back on the right track…….so…………………..

Here is some humor for all of us….enjoy……..

And this will be "Caption Time #2"………..for me anyway

Well……where do I go from here?…FTW #4

Yes you read it correctly…..FTW #4…..I am so happy to have a topic for it again…but this serves 2 purposes, so bear with me…you will all understand what I mean…….so shall we begin…and this one will be a LONG one again….

"Fuck the World" #4

The first official post of May 2006

I am losing my faith in myself…

I have lived my life a certain way and more and more it seems that I have made a terrible mistake, or at least that is what I see…either I end up in pain or someone else does…or there is something else that it could be.  I will explain…

My Apologizes Part 2

I am sorry, but I cannot do the humerous post tonight…I don't have the energy to do it…sorry…but I will do the serious one…

I haven't been myself lately…my mind is in a haze…but I will tell you why…

The true “The Mood is About to Change”

First of all, I have updated my "The Real Me Page 2" a little more, but it deserves more work…hopefully soon…

I have a quote for you from a popular TV show…and it makes a lot of sense…I will tell you that it comes from the strangest of places…"South Park"…but this quote does make a lot of sense…here it is…

"Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical." – Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park, Chef Aid, 1998

But that leaves to part of the topic of this post…

I would like you to check out the changes to that page before proceding…it makes the beginning make sense…

Love Stuff #3

Hello everyone.  Tonight The Master is adding new category to the list over on the right…"Some Serious Stuff".  Recently, I have gotten to be a lot more light-hearted and some of my humor is coming back…so if I have to make a serious post, you will see "Some Serious Stuff" added to the categories that the post is under at the bottom near to the comments button…just to inform all of you…and this one might be very long, but I have a lot of things to get of my chest…so here goes everything…

Now to the topic at hand…recent experience and there isn't a soul that caused it…well…directly anyway…those of you that have tuned in know all about the hell I think I put myself through lately…I made a point…an epiphany of sorts…on my "The Real Me" page…I revealed something about myself that I have locked away inside…the passing of my first girlfriend while we were still together…I told myself that in her honor, I would not let the pain of it all run or rule my life…I failed her…I did recently…I lost sight of myself…I found this wonderful girl that touched my heart, someone that reminded me SO much of my late beloved that I became blind to myself, and that wonderful girl is Miss Alyssa…I mean she is so much like her that I swear that Aly could be a clone, just with different color hair…I couldn't bear with the fact that this wasn't my first love coming back to me, that she was a totally different person, someone who might not have been interested in me…I couldn't accept that…I wouldn't let myself…does that make me a bad person?…I wanted the past back so bad that I made a fool of myself…I got to talking with Aly and slowly realized that she wasn't the same, but somewhere inside wasn't allowing me to stop…I then figured out that (and this is a word I've used a lot lately, and has been used with me recently – in some other place) a validation was needed…I finally got to meet her…and I realized that something wasn't right…the feeling then changed…she started to avoid me, in a way, but only because she didn't want to hurt my feelings about the whole situation…but she still wanted to be friends…the feeling changed again…I came to the conclusion that I needed that even more…I was wanting the past to come back so bad, and in a way it still is here…as long as I have my Aly Angel as a friend, I feel the spirit of my beloved is closer to me than ever…and that is what I find most important…and I was so blind, I lost sight of that…I pushed way too hard…and Alyssa, if you read this soon, I apologize for everything, you are very important to me as a friend and I hope we can become really close friends…or come what may…

I also have gained another good friend, someone who has a long forgotten quality, someone who has a tremendous amount of honor toward her friends…this friendly covert operative is codenamed "Peaches"…she has come through for me in many ways…and she proved to me in a very…uh…particular way(you know what I'm talking about My Peach) what she would do for her friends…no matter what, keeping a promise…she showed me that even though she didn't know me very yet, she still helped me out…that shows true honor…a true friend…I am very blessed…thank you, my liege…

What about now…after the events that unfolded with Aly, and some encouragement from Peaches, I sat down and figured out what I wanted…what I really needed to find for myself…and what I got was put into the personal ad I put in the post a few back…something really weird happened…there is a soul that I had connected with on Davezilla.com, but for some reason she just disappeared…hadn't heard from her at all on Dave's site…I thought nothing of it, I thought that maybe we scared her away…but for some reason unknown to me, I missed her…strange thing is I have only had my site up and running for a short time and she magically came out of no where to post a comment…blew me away…I got her email address and sent a shot in the dark, figured what the hell, find out more about her, and keep a line open for a way that she can keep in touch…the strange thing I was refering to earlier is the same day that I posted that personal ad, I got a response from her…and she told me a little about herself…and that I intrigued her to the point of interest…my first thought was "Interest in me…no way…" so I replied to it…and hoped for the best…what I ended up getting was more than the best…I am hooked…she is such an amazing woman…we talked the whole afternoon Monday…and I know I promised I would let too much out without permission, but this is only one thing and it is necessary to finish my story for the day(sorry love, don't be mad at me, please)…she is a paralegal, and that field can be very chaotic sometimes…and she had one of those days today…she sent me an email telling me about the hell ahead for her, and that she probably wouldn't be able to talk today…I did what I needed to do…I replied with an "I understand"(which I did) and that we would talk some more soon…then the funniest thing happened…I did nothing but mope all day, I missed her…I don't know her very well yet, and I genuinely missed her…I thought about her the rest of the day & night(hell, I'm thinking about her right now)…and with the talking that we have done, I feel a wonderful connection…and very weird connection, and that means only one thing…my soul has come back completely and is here to stay…I feel a connection deep in my soul that I have never felt before…I never thought that when I posted that personal ad, that it would manifest itself into this beautiful soul…and I never thought I would ever be able to say this, but…that Glass Ceiling I've been talking about…I don't know why, but I see a big crack in it…I hope that this journey to her soul will help me break through it…wish me luck…

I hope that all of you have had a great time reading my rants on here…I'm famous for them, just ask any Davezilla regulars…and there are only two things I will be dreaming about tonight…1: the thought of wrapping my arms warmly around my beloved, beautiful soul's body and holding her tight, and 2: hoping that soon I will be able to shatter that Glass Ceiling(and take down the personal ad, well at least negate it)…there is a third thing I will probably be dreaming about as it pertains to my beautiful soul, but I am trying my best to make sure my site doesn't become X-Rated…so sorry those who want to know more, it's for me to know and only one other to ever find out…and I can't help saying…

So is the life of "The Soulless One"

-The Master Has Returned

P.S.> From now on, until she wishes to have her identity revealed, my beloved will be known only as My Beautiful Soul…because that is what she is to me…seems appropriate…

This is a strange post…

I have posted this under WTF… but it will not count toward the segments list…okay….okay…

As all of you know that have been paying attention to the soap opera called my life…I had a funny idea…I am going to post a personal add…I can't wait to see what you all think about this…I don't why I'm doing it but be warned…I frighten people…all of the time…

SWM. 22 Years Old. Columbus, IN. I am a not-so-average guy with a not-so-normal way of mind.  I am used to heartbreak, so please, if you intend on doing so, at least be naughty about it. I am looking for a woman who wants to be treated with honor and respect, like she is my princess, but not to the point that she doesn't forget who I am. I am looking for a woman that wants a man that will be honest with her at every turn. I live for love and I am looking for a woman that does too. I am looking for a woman who doesn't mind to be loved and be willing to love me back, sounds strange but it seems so hard to find. If you are someone like this or know someone that would like someone like me, please let me know. I'm getting tired of trying.

There is a very popular movie called "Batman Begins" starring Christian Bale, Katie Holmes, & Liam Neeson.  There is a line in that movie that was said by both Bruce Wayne(Bale) and Rachel Dawes(Holmes).  That line is "It's not who we are on the inside, it's what we do that defines us."  I used to believe that, but I don't know anymore.  I try to do right all of the time, and I'm pretty successful at it.  The thing is that I always end up not getting what I want.  I hate it.  What do I need to do to finally get what I want for a change?  All I want is this…I put in a post a few days ago that I thought that "Nice guys finish last." wasn't true, that they don't even finish the race…and then a recent post I put that I think I have finally finished a race…the only thing is it isn't the race I want to finish.  Now don't get me wrong…I am very blessed to have this wonderful friend(and now I have gained another new friend in Peaches…thank you) but I want to be loved for once.  I know it sounds bad, but I do.  That is what I really want.  I turn 23 this year and I would really like a girlfriend for my birthday…I keep asking Santa for one but he doesn't listen to me anymore, all he likes to give me is grief(must of been because of the year I ate all of his cookies, couldn't help it they were peanut-butter ones…back on track here).  I hate the fact that I have to post this, but having this here has been a great way to vent all of this frustration.  Tell me what you all think so far, especially this post.

Now for one more note…as I said, I am glad to have Aly as a friend, I don't have too many left because of my ex, so each one I have is VERY important to me.  Aly is a blessing to have as a friend, and lately I don't where I would be without her(and don't worry, I haven't forgotten all of the encouragement from you all…you count toward those friends as well).  But I would be lying if I said that I didn't wish that things could be different, that I still would love to be her object of affection(I have know idea where all of these thoughts and words are coming from…so bear with me…okay), but I know that unfortunately fate can't be beaten.  I am glad she is my friend, and I hope that we can be friends for a very long time.  And it goes without saying(but I'm going to do it anyway), that if she was to EVER change her mind about letting me in, I would be on it quicker than a fucking heartbeat(sorry, about the language, trying to keep it only on WTF & FTW…but oh well…truth be told).  So have I given up on trying to be her love interest…not really…I'm just not going to do anything about it anymore…come what may…if it is going to happen, it will, and I am leaving the future in that aspect to her…and I may or may not tell her that…but I will let destiny take its course…if she changes her mind…great…if not…still have an awesome friend…they say you can't have it all…well let the future decide that…

You all probably all think that I am fool for keeping this in my mind…this hope…but when you know that you would rather die than forget about it…then you know that you are truly…alive…

So is the life of "The Soulless One"

-Master Solace