Since the last one was short and sweet, then………

Ha Ha Ha……

The last one was short and sweet…this one may still end up short…depends on the words I find.

I am happy. I have had this enormous weight lifted off my shoulders. Now I don't know what to think. After all of this time spent in the shadows, I can finally say that they are going away. I can't explain it. I wished I could, but I don't want to fumble my words.

I have beat myself up time and time again about what has happened in the past, what I fear in the future, what pisses me off, what I can do and can't do about the things I don't think I can change, the opportunities I have cost myself, the things I wished I could go back and do differently, who I really am inside, the things I wished I could do, the chances I never took, the things I can't take back, the things I wished I could do, what I want……this time, I can't…..and I won't…

I know that I cannot turn back the hands of time, no one can….no matter how much we want to, we can't. That would be grand. A lot of pain could be fixed with that ability. But it is just not possible. And for once, I don't want to at all. I did something different.

I held something inside for a long time…a feeling I had about someone…someone special. I never could say it. Never. I've known her for 15 years…ever since the third grade. Some things happened between then and now, but that is when I remember seeing meeting her for the first time. I can remember it because I had just transfered from Southside Elementary to Rockcreek Elementary here in Columbus, Indiana, so it was an important year…leaving my friends and having to make new ones…and I did. And I can even remember the frst time I ever thought about it…about liking this girl in that way………………(Flashback Time)~~~~~~~~~~

It was the Sixth Grade and our teacher was Mr. Ron Ellis(a great man). The seating arrangement at this time was that I was in the back row on the corner, this girl was also in this row, and Miss Jessica Waskom was the only one in between us(Jessica is still a good friend of mine…anyway…..lol). One day in class, this girl got up to go to the front of the class….I don't remember what for…may have been to turn something in to Mr. Ellis…I can't remember. All I can remember is that I saw her in a different light. I already knew that she was a wonderful girl, and that she was pretty…very pretty…but I never really thought about it any other way, until that day. Funny how something like that can change in just a quick moment. After that year, I didn't see her much anymore because Northside Middle School had this idea for teams, groups of teachers that only saw certain groups of students for their day, and they could work together with it. Needless to say that I didn't get to see her that often anymore. High school was even worse. But every time I saw her, I melted. I know that doesn't make much sense, but I did…I felt like I melted. But I was also afraid. Afraid of the outcome if I said anything, so I didn't…time went on, and I just gave up on it. Gave up on something I was too afraid to do. I feel like a complete fool. Now I can only think about what might've been, like if I would've said something to her then, she might've been my prom date(which would've been much better). There are so many scenarios that could've happened, but didn't because I was so afraid of doing something stupid. And of course, even though I gave up, I never stopped thinking about her. I feel so much like a fool that I didn't take that chance…but I couldn't shake the fear and it was at that moment in my life that I let the shadows take over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~(Flashback Over…..LOL)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now here we are in present time, and the most amazing thing has happened, I found her…again. I say again because working at Target here in Columbus I saw her a few times, but what could I say…and what did I want to say…because of everything that had happened between high school and the present, my mind was gone, I couldn't remember anything…I knew who she was, and I knew what kind of person she was, but there was something more and my mind just wouldn't help me…I needed something to jar my memory…

As you all probably know, there is this site called MySpace…I have a myspace profile(and you can see it from the link on the right)…I was bored one night, and couldn't think of what to post that night for all of you readers…..so I went to find someone to talk to that night and add some people to my friends list on MySpace. I decided it was a good idea to check the people on the high schools page for MySpace, the alumni. While I was looking, I found her on there and added her…keep in mind that it was about 2am….but I did it….and a few others.

One day I was checking my bulletins, and I saw that something was different about her, so I went to check it out. Little did I know that by doing so would be a life-changing moment. When I saw her as she is now, everything came back to me…EVERYTHING…and it was like I had been hit with a two-mile long freight train. My mind started wondering, and I had lost myself….but this time I couldn't tell if it was in a bad way or a good way. The fact of the matter is that everything was back…the way I felt never left, it was just consumed by the shadows that wanted to hide the past.

But everything WAS back, including the fear. I wanted to tell her so bad…but I was so afraid…afraid of history repeating itself…

Everytime I get some steam, it always ends up in an accident…something always happened and my hopes disappear. I can't even find a way not to be sick anymore. But I wanted to change it…

As I had posted many time…"The Mood is About to Change"…it was even the subtitle to this blog for a while…I had to make a difference…I had to make that change…I had to do something to beat the horrible thing called Fate……….no matter what the results…but I didn't know what to do.

I asked a very good friend of mine to help me, give me some advice……he had the woman he loved and is getting married next month…maybe he could tell me how I should go about things….how I should tell her…..and he gave a lot of good ideas….but also needless to say, they ended up being templates…I always try to walk my own path, and that will never change…but this good friend helped me in a way that can never be forgotten…and I would like to take the opportunity to say this…………Thank You Curtis, for your help and support…….

(And I don't want anyone to get mad at me, so…..thank you to everyone that lent a hand to me for your support…I can't forget about any of that….thank you all)

What about it now…did I tell her? I told you all that "The Mood was About to Change" and I decided that I was going to change more than that, I was going to stop letting Fate take control, and that it was time that I stopped letting the shadows win……….I posted it all in the same post…….and that is what I "said"……but did I do it?!?!?

You bet I did……….it was more than past time…but I did it…..and I want to say that it went alot better than I thought….but then again, anything is better than complete and total darkness…….hahaha…

Seriously though, I did do it, the way I wanted to, and I have no regrets. This girl……excuse me….this woman is more than worth any words that I could ever say about her. I can tell that time can do some magical thing. I always thought she was wonderful, but now…now I can see something else…something more.  I can see that this woman is very sweet(that was always there, but even stronger now), that she is very, VERY beautiful….but a different kind of beauty…don't get me wrong, she is very gorgeous…to me, like no other….but in this world, there are two kinds of beauty….one physical, and one that isn't…I think they call it inner-beauty…and I can see that she is the total package. She is filled with honor and knows when and how to use it, and as all of you know, I have been on this neverending search for honorable people…true honor…like I try to show to all of you(and everyone else) everyday. So a woman that is sweet and has both outer-beauty and inner-beauty…with the presence of true honor….I think you get my point…if not…read the whole thing again….you'll get it, I promise…

But I told her everything……..well, not everything…some things you just can't put into words…I know…I tried…and erased numerous messages. I did the best I could…at very least…..but right now, at this point, it has gone a lot better than I feared that it would…and I couldn't be happier…I finally beat one of my greatest fears…

The fear of what could happen and what could be……….

The only thing left is the future…where will this all go…or better yet, what does all of this mean for the future? I don't know…but I am anxious to see.

So I guess I can say that this is the beginning of one path and the start of another…so you are witnessing the first post from the new me…the new Master Solace…one without the shadows…without the darkness…and you want to know something…I haven't felt better in my life…so I guess this will be the start of some different kinds of posts…

Now please don't worry, the basics of me and my site will not change. I am still driven by the Circle – Honor, Respect, & Love….and this site will still be filled with humor and my opinions and views…that will never change…….

And speaking of the Circle…maybe it will be complete……I guess I will just have to wait for the future to arrive……

As Matt Damon said as Loki in the movie "Dogma" – "Life is just a series of moments….why don't you seize yours?" – I did, and I couldn't be happier.

I'd like to take this moment to thank Curtis again…and all of you who supported me….which would be all of you. Without that, I wouldn't have gotten as far as I have with reclaiming what I have lost…my soul….my mind……and now there is one piece left…..my heart……even though I can reclaim it, the truth is…it belongs to someone else…sounds strange…maybe she can share it with me………wait…oh, nevermind……the ball has officially been fumbled………and so have the words………

The last post was called "How About Short and Sweet"…if that was the case, and this one is just an expansion on it….then shouldn't this one be called "How About Sweet"…..didn't sound right……but it works…….(I did it again….I think I need to shut up now before I lose the ball completely)

And so you all know, the name of the girl……..oops…….damn……I'll get it right………

The name of the lady is Leah.

That is all you need to know at this point……

Lady…woman….however you want to say it, she is an angel in my eyes……..always have, always will be……..

Fino alla volta prossima, i miei amici…

Until next time, my friends…..

Oh and one more thing…..don't worry about if I will still be the same nice guy…….the same Master Solace………Remember the title of my blog….."The Master is Always Here"

Remember the post where I finished it with this:

"You know the old saying 'Nice guys finish last'…I don't think that is true, they don't even finish the race"…..looks like I was wrong…the race isn't over, and I am definitely not last…now I just want to close the gap and take the lead……

I guess I found the words huh……………..

Later on…before this gets to be too long……