The true “The Mood is About to Change”

First of all, I have updated my "The Real Me Page 2" a little more, but it deserves more work…hopefully soon…

I have a quote for you from a popular TV show…and it makes a lot of sense…I will tell you that it comes from the strangest of places…"South Park"…but this quote does make a lot of sense…here it is…

"Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical." – Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park, Chef Aid, 1998

But that leaves to part of the topic of this post…

I would like you to check out the changes to that page before proceding…it makes the beginning make sense…

My worst fear has come true.  After years of searching, I finally found my soul, but now there is confusion surrounding it.  I can't stand this…and I don't know what to do about it.  I will explain, but there is two parts to it…so follow along…

First things first…you all know me for what you see here, and some more than that…those of you that have read my posts know what I am about.  This part involves a certain person that has been mention in a few past posts…Miss Emma Donovan.  I see a good soul in her…but there is a problem with it…she has lived through unspeakable internal pain…and more with it.  So unspeakable, that I cannot even think about it without going into rage.  I've said it time and time again…I hate true sadists…and what has happened to Miss Emma in her past…should not be talked about here…but if I ever got the chance to do it, I would show her oppressors the meaning of "Unadulterated Devastation"…simple as that.  But the point is that because of this terror, her good soul has been damaged, tarnished but not her fault.  I have tried to reach out to her, but there has been little or no response.  I may not have been through the same kind of pain, but I know what true pain is…and I have pulled myself through it, and all I want to do is help her through it all…if I can…I don't know if I can, but I would love to try.  I am not trying to do more than that…but I know that I am a complete stranger to her…I keep pushing, because I think I can show her how to make a difference in her sphere of reality…What should I do about it?  I don't to give up, but the dark clouds still hang over her.  Any ideas?!!!?

Now for the second part.  My mind is like a giant window, after a big brick has been thrown though it.  I shouldn't be doing this here…but I have to.  My life has hit a forked road.  I have found someone that peaks my interest in ways that I am not even inclined to talk about here…not yet anyway.  And she lives in my state…not far from me, actually…her name is Liana.  She seems to be a nice girl.  But she is different than what I am used to in this hell hole of a town I call home.  She isn't molded from the same Barbie doll mold that is standard in Columbus, Indiana.  I can't begin to describe what I see…it is hard to put it into words…I could try, but after I get my mind back into one piece.  Liana is a welcome change to my life…but there is two problems that I have run into: 1) Those of you that know me personally now, know what that problem is, so I will put it this way…it is only between me and those people, for now. 2) I think I have already done what I normally do…put both feet far down my throat.  I was so enthralled that I had found such a unique person(an enigma, just like me…go figure), that I got ahead of myself…and made the biggest mistake I could've made…but I tried to make it up to her, but to no avail…at least, I don't think so…I don't really know…I know what I want to say to her…but I don't know if I can now…for different reasons…but I think I will give it a shot…wish me luck…I think I am going to need it…all I can get of it…

I keep wishing things could change with these situations…Emma listening to me, and Liana not being turned away, like I do to everyone it seems…

I just want to let someone know something…Peaches…if you have anything you want to say to me about this & what we talked about the other day, please send it to me directly…I would appreciate it very much…

Does all of this make me a bad person?  And why does everything always have to end with me driving someone away?  What should I do?

I have lost myself…I have lost my way…I have lost my mind…I have lost my drive…I have lost what really makes me who I am…

For once in my life, I truly feel lost…I feel meaningless…completely…even to myself…I have ran out of hope…

I just wish that there is someway I could change that…

Maybe a little magic…

If only that was possible…

Until next time…