This serves a purpose…

I am looking for someone…and I hope soon he gets to read this…

His name is Kyle…he is my little brother…well, technically he is my half-brother, because we only share our father(and no, not the l mentioned in "The Real Me" page)…but no matter what, he is still my little brother…

I made a few choices in my life that probably ended up effecting Kyle as well(alright, I know they had to) some my own choices and others that weren't…the first being that there was an internal struggle in which I needed to choose whether or not to keep with having 2 families(my mom & stepdad and my dad & stepmom) or to remove myself from one of them…I chose 1, and my choice was my mom & stepdad…and there was a deciding factor that pushed it, my stepmother.  She was(and still is) a bonafide, genuine bitch…what was the problem…she tried to change me or change things in my life that I didn't want to or couldn't change…and the final straw was the one thing that you never want to force upon a child…status…she sat with me and told me that she wanted me to start calling her "Mom" in front of Kyle(who was only about 6 at the time…why did she wait that long?)…she did not ask me if that was okay, she TOLD me that I HAD to…I don't think so…she wasn't my mother, she wasn't good enough to be my mother, there was no way in hell I was going to call HER mom…

So I decided to drop ties with my father…don't get me wrong…it WASN'T because of him, I loved him very much(and I still do)…but because of my stepmom, he slowly started to stop being himself, to stop being more like my father to just start acting like he was just my sperm-donor…I know, I know I shouldn't say it, but when you can't even remember you oldest son on 2 straight Christmases and the birthday in between, that ends up being your opinion…but I figured that it wasn't his fault, it was the canker sore he had for a wife…and she was the one that finally made the decision for me…it was my 12th birthday when I let the "cat out of the bag"…it ended up feeling like just another day…we all ended up going to Greenwood, IN that day(about 25-30 miles from home, nothing big) and my father asked me where I wanted to go eat for my birthday…and naturally I said "Ponderosa"(I loved that place, wished we still had one locally…anyway)and the controlling bitch opened her mouth with "That doesn't sound good…let's go to Chi-Chi's."…wasn't where I wanted to go…so where do you think my father ended up going?…one clue: they serve Mexican food there…once again another birthday ruined by the wicked nose-beast…I couldn't take it anymore, so I made myself known what I was feeling while we were in the middle of dinner…soon there after I was adopted by my stepdad(now he's the one mentioned in "The Real Me")…

Do I regret it?…yes and no…no because it needed to be done and I love Brian…yes because I hurt my father and my brother in the process…what happened to my father and the leech…they ended up splitting up…and getting back together…and splitting up again…and that's the next problem…I decided to get back in touch with my father after my 18th birthday…and I did and everything was going pretty good…and I got back with my brother…also going good…and then the unspeakable happened…they got back together again…bullshit…I waited so long to reconnect with my father and my brother and there she was re-inserting herself again…I couldn't bear to think that she was there again…but fate is funny ya know…

Well between the Wicked Nose-Beast of the East and the Snarling Hose-Beast I call my ex, I was in bad way with my brother…the thought of being around my stepmom was preventing me from going to my brother and my ex's controlling nature prevented me from being able to do anything else with him…I WANTED TO…but from all of the stress that I was under, I was being hurt physically…medically…it was literally hurting me on the inside(and I still haven't fully recovered…but I think a little help from some certain enJoyment would help out…sorry, it worked last time)…and the pain and sickness made me helpless…I don't like it but it happened…

Now that my ex has been surgically removed from my life, I need to atone for all that has happened…

I think I found my brother on MySpace…so I tried to contact him…nothing yet…but it was late LATE last night when I sent him the message and he is still in school…so wish me luck on that…

And Kyle if you ever get the chance to read this…it is all there…all truth…and I am very sorry all of this has happened…and one more thing, I love you, bro…and that will NEVER change…

-The Master is Always In