Love Stuff #3

Hello everyone.  Tonight The Master is adding new category to the list over on the right…"Some Serious Stuff".  Recently, I have gotten to be a lot more light-hearted and some of my humor is coming back…so if I have to make a serious post, you will see "Some Serious Stuff" added to the categories that the post is under at the bottom near to the comments button…just to inform all of you…and this one might be very long, but I have a lot of things to get of my chest…so here goes everything…

Now to the topic at hand…recent experience and there isn't a soul that caused it…well…directly anyway…those of you that have tuned in know all about the hell I think I put myself through lately…I made a point…an epiphany of sorts…on my "The Real Me" page…I revealed something about myself that I have locked away inside…the passing of my first girlfriend while we were still together…I told myself that in her honor, I would not let the pain of it all run or rule my life…I failed her…I did recently…I lost sight of myself…I found this wonderful girl that touched my heart, someone that reminded me SO much of my late beloved that I became blind to myself, and that wonderful girl is Miss Alyssa…I mean she is so much like her that I swear that Aly could be a clone, just with different color hair…I couldn't bear with the fact that this wasn't my first love coming back to me, that she was a totally different person, someone who might not have been interested in me…I couldn't accept that…I wouldn't let myself…does that make me a bad person?…I wanted the past back so bad that I made a fool of myself…I got to talking with Aly and slowly realized that she wasn't the same, but somewhere inside wasn't allowing me to stop…I then figured out that (and this is a word I've used a lot lately, and has been used with me recently – in some other place) a validation was needed…I finally got to meet her…and I realized that something wasn't right…the feeling then changed…she started to avoid me, in a way, but only because she didn't want to hurt my feelings about the whole situation…but she still wanted to be friends…the feeling changed again…I came to the conclusion that I needed that even more…I was wanting the past to come back so bad, and in a way it still is here…as long as I have my Aly Angel as a friend, I feel the spirit of my beloved is closer to me than ever…and that is what I find most important…and I was so blind, I lost sight of that…I pushed way too hard…and Alyssa, if you read this soon, I apologize for everything, you are very important to me as a friend and I hope we can become really close friends…or come what may…

I also have gained another good friend, someone who has a long forgotten quality, someone who has a tremendous amount of honor toward her friends…this friendly covert operative is codenamed "Peaches"…she has come through for me in many ways…and she proved to me in a very…uh…particular way(you know what I'm talking about My Peach) what she would do for her friends…no matter what, keeping a promise…she showed me that even though she didn't know me very yet, she still helped me out…that shows true honor…a true friend…I am very blessed…thank you, my liege…

What about now…after the events that unfolded with Aly, and some encouragement from Peaches, I sat down and figured out what I wanted…what I really needed to find for myself…and what I got was put into the personal ad I put in the post a few back…something really weird happened…there is a soul that I had connected with on Davezilla.com, but for some reason she just disappeared…hadn't heard from her at all on Dave's site…I thought nothing of it, I thought that maybe we scared her away…but for some reason unknown to me, I missed her…strange thing is I have only had my site up and running for a short time and she magically came out of no where to post a comment…blew me away…I got her email address and sent a shot in the dark, figured what the hell, find out more about her, and keep a line open for a way that she can keep in touch…the strange thing I was refering to earlier is the same day that I posted that personal ad, I got a response from her…and she told me a little about herself…and that I intrigued her to the point of interest…my first thought was "Interest in me…no way…" so I replied to it…and hoped for the best…what I ended up getting was more than the best…I am hooked…she is such an amazing woman…we talked the whole afternoon Monday…and I know I promised I would let too much out without permission, but this is only one thing and it is necessary to finish my story for the day(sorry love, don't be mad at me, please)…she is a paralegal, and that field can be very chaotic sometimes…and she had one of those days today…she sent me an email telling me about the hell ahead for her, and that she probably wouldn't be able to talk today…I did what I needed to do…I replied with an "I understand"(which I did) and that we would talk some more soon…then the funniest thing happened…I did nothing but mope all day, I missed her…I don't know her very well yet, and I genuinely missed her…I thought about her the rest of the day & night(hell, I'm thinking about her right now)…and with the talking that we have done, I feel a wonderful connection…and very weird connection, and that means only one thing…my soul has come back completely and is here to stay…I feel a connection deep in my soul that I have never felt before…I never thought that when I posted that personal ad, that it would manifest itself into this beautiful soul…and I never thought I would ever be able to say this, but…that Glass Ceiling I've been talking about…I don't know why, but I see a big crack in it…I hope that this journey to her soul will help me break through it…wish me luck…

I hope that all of you have had a great time reading my rants on here…I'm famous for them, just ask any Davezilla regulars…and there are only two things I will be dreaming about tonight…1: the thought of wrapping my arms warmly around my beloved, beautiful soul's body and holding her tight, and 2: hoping that soon I will be able to shatter that Glass Ceiling(and take down the personal ad, well at least negate it)…there is a third thing I will probably be dreaming about as it pertains to my beautiful soul, but I am trying my best to make sure my site doesn't become X-Rated…so sorry those who want to know more, it's for me to know and only one other to ever find out…and I can't help saying…

So is the life of "The Soulless One"

-The Master Has Returned

P.S.> From now on, until she wishes to have her identity revealed, my beloved will be known only as My Beautiful Soul…because that is what she is to me…seems appropriate…